A dream. A calling. A desire. A prayer. After a while, delayed answers mixed with whispers from the enemy turn that statement into…
A wish. A want. An desire filled with doubt.
The difference? The first statement is prayed-up, faith-filled, climbing on hope and dependent on expectation. It’s a statement of boldness and courage.
The second statement is dated, tired, weary, full of question and doubt, laced with worry. The dream somehow becomes just a plaguing wish; taunting us as if performance is somehow able to unlock the timing of God’s plan.
Rather than praying more, time passes and we pray less. Then, we begin to doubt and beat ourselves up… “If only I studied more, read more, prayed more, lived better… maybe if I fasted more and FaceBook’ed less… then “it” would have already happened by now.”
Blech! I am tired of the roller coaster of emotions, and tired of my relationship with my Father being about the pursuit of this unanswered prayer. Tired of my Christian walk feeling like a weak child trying to do pull ups on the monkey bars… feeling like we don’t measure up.
Anyone else been here? Yep, this is actually my third time. The first time was about 18 years ago, a period of about eleven years where I was consistently praying for healing and looking for formulas. I was battling the emotions of failed faith and believed that I was reaping the consequences of all my sins; and that just HAD to be why I couldn’t get healed.
Seeking healing, for me, during that time actually became an idol. I certainly wasn’t seeking relationship.
When I finally gave it to God, I received my healing! I still struggle and apparently haven’t quite fully learned my lesson. Because about 14 year ago, I was on my desperate search for a husband… according to my plans, it was time to get married. I began to question His willingness to answer based on my ability to perform.
And… Congratulations to me, for the third time, here I am again… going around this mountain and ready to learn this lesson.
So… now what? What do we do when we get in this rut? Unanswered prayer? A desire to do more, but the hesitation to press forward.
What do we do? We fight. We pray. We worship. We keep praying. We armor up and fight our fears. We put hope on top of more hope, and infuse it with confident expectation. We purpose to be content and grateful while we fight and expect change. We stop believing it depends on us, and we cling to the Father, knowing it actually depends on Him.
So, here I am. I want to encourage you to dream your dreams and pray your prayers. Don’t stop, don’t quit! As I am stepping towards mine, I want to rally any other ladies I can! I have a dream of spending time in the Word to prepare messages to speak to women. There, I said it!
I have a dream of being asked to speak and having the opportunity to see ladies living fully-equipped and empowered for the every-day-mundane tasks of life. I dream of God setting me up to help women live in the revelation that the JOY of the Lord truly is STRENGTH.
I don’t exactly know how to start, but this dream is not going to expire- it shall be fulfilled. For me, today, THIS feels like starting! THIS feels like fighting! THIS feels like faith! I know the timing of this journey is the Lord’s, but I also know that I can use my faith to do something. Rather than just continuing to beat myself up for what I am not doing, I am using my faith to push forward into something new.
So, welcome to my blog. Subscribe, share it, be encouraged by it. I will pop in and share insight from the Lord, life experiences, nuggets of wisdom, and funny stuff that happens. … because life really is truly full of messy joys.
I hope a simple scripture at the perfect time will fill you with hope. I pray that God will use an analogy or a silly reference I mention to equip you for something you are about to face. I hope you can identify with my fight and be encouraged to pick up the sword and armor up for yours. I pray that this will be the start of a journey we take together.
Let’s do this. You have to start somewhere. You have to start… And so do I.