Quiet but not closed.

When I first decided to launch this blog, I was careful not to “over-blog.” I wanted to avoid writing too much too often. And I sincerely hoped that I wouldn’t wear out my readers and become a clanging symbol that was played too much. Intentionally, I decided one entry per week would be my limit.

I paced myself and waited for the days to pass before I would publish my next blog. Since then, I have been quite surprised at how inconsistent I have been with sharing my thoughts. (Not inconsistent in having them, I am always thinking!)

There is depth to my quiet spell, but please know, my heart is not closed and my life is not “too busy.” It’s not my schedule that made me quiet, it was my mind.

This blog, speaking, writing, sharing, encouraging others…. it’s in me. It’s a part of who I am and who I desire to become. So often my late-night laundry-folding prayers stray into mentally written blog entries. Often when trying to fall asleep I end up preaching to myself as I rehearse a sermon. Little things speak to me throughout the day, I try to always be listening and aware.

So, yes, I have been blogging, but just not for this audience.

I am learning the difference between what God reveals just for my private personal walk versus what He reveals for me to share in a more public way. Not every whisper warrants a megaphone. Sometimes the Father speaks, and He wants the intimate revelation to remain between Him and His daughter. Sometimes I am quiet so I can listen more.

These past months represent some difficult times, but also some good ones. I have experienced deep sadness, confusion, withdraw, even anger.  Yet, I honestly feel like I am answering back with tenacity. I am unmoved. Thankfully, I am being nurtured through unconditional love and thoughtful family, I am being covered with true compassion and encouraged by fierce and faithful friends who pray.  Even when it feels like I am “losing” I know I am living in answered prayer.

So, let me say this, I may be hurting, but I am not ashamed. I may be covered, but I am not hiding. I may be quiet but I am not closed.

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For those unsure of what I am referencing, let me explain. I am currently fighting what physically appears to be a losing battle to alocpecia. My hair is falling out by the fist-fulls, and well, there aren’t honestly too many fist-fulls left. Even though I thought I was strong this time, it is still exceedingly hard.

A few months ago I shared a part of my story, complete with personal photos. It was bold yet freeing. To date, the views and response to that single entry total more than the rest of my blogs combined. It was viewed more than 10x my average. That tells me something. People want to read something real, raw, and meaningful. And yet, readers respond with compassion.  It reminds me my story is His story, and while it’s painful, it’s also powerful.

I often check my perspective when struggling with fear, insecurity or anger… I mean, come on, it’s just hair. Others are grieving the loss of loved ones, battling more significant health issues, fighting for their marriage or praying for their unsaved child. But, let us not compare our trouble to others‘ and use that as a measuring tool to keep us silent. Here’s the deal, whatever you are experiencing- it’s yours. It matters. Don’t try to downsize it, supersize it, or trivalize it…it’s your story, which means it’s His story.  Maybe you fear people get tired of you sharing the same prayer request, same testimony, or maybe you assume they are annoyed by you retelling a new revelation of the same situation… Don’t let the fear of a few minority critics keep you from sharing what the majority of us what to hear.

I have not posted lately because all my insights, object lessons and quiet reflections are somehow centered around my hair loss. Man, God is using it to teach me so much, daily. Yet I let the anticipated critical thoughts of others stop me for using my God given gift. Not today!

I encourage you, share anyway! It’s a part of your God-given destiny. When your story is His story-it’s real, it’s raw, it’s painful but it’s powerful  if it gives glory to God- it’s worth it. It may be a difficult process, but it’s producing something in you.

Share your hurt, share your trial, be honest with yourself and others. Ask for prayer and share your victory. You can’t fail if you don’t quit.  The test really is the testimony…(even if we are annoyed by that cliche phrase, it doesn’t make it less true) Your struggle is building steel in you. So finish the process and let it produce something!

Lift your head for your deliverance is near! Worship while you wait! Don’t let yourself be silenced. Your journey is apart of how God can teach you, refine you, mature you! 1F211FCC-7C91-4072-BEB0-BA4934164F7F

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